This week is focusing on creative writing and being able to develop a storytelling voice: a way of seeing and speaking to, and about the world that is unique but also to recognise that stories live everywhere.
I was alone.
Exposed to an unknown edifice that stared at me in return. A deadly silence that could kill, but my curiosity would have killed me quicker. I approached the faint glimmer of light flickering from a distance from this place, as I was soon to step into a nightmare.
A vile odor of flesh hit me. A monstrosity right before my eyes. Hanging boars, bleeding from the gaping hole in their throats as if they were Christmas lights. And in the middle of this building was an empty ice rink, tainted red. I had no doubt, I had to flee, but my body was unresponsive. Before I could run, I heard giggling. A cold wind rushed against my face. I stiffly looked back. To my horror I saw prancing children, all holding hands in a circle, giggling as they sang ‘Ring around the Rosie’.
Constructive Feedback from lesson 05/11/2021:
- Careful with filler words
- Instead of stating that the story is a nightmare let the reader slowly figure it out
- Remove ‘Exposed to an unknown edifice’ sentence
- Can even make my story shorter – since the task was up to 150 words
- Rearrange the sentence ‘Hanging boars, bleeding from the gaping hole in their throats as if they were Christmas lights.’ to really captivate the reader even further.